Somewhere, some time ago, somebody invented a thing called, “Push To Talk.” Some might have seen this as a blessing, a solution to the constant noise of breathing into microphones and handsets across the globe, a fix for unexpected coughing, flatulence and other interruptions. And with this implement, why not? The foregoing expectations were reasonable ones, were they not? Perhaps they seemed reasonable at the time.

One would suppose a relief from vocal annoyances would, appropriately, follow the widespread implementation of Push To Talk in games and voice chat clients. But, somehow, this is not the case. Somehow, people still insist on promoting their flatulence, coughing, crying, sneezing, snorting, sniffing, yiffing, yapping, fapping, spur of the moment cursing and, of course, unexpected parental intrusions. It’s as if these players want to fight the evil Push To Talk establishment, as if they want to stick it to the man and rebel against convenience and pleasure.

What’s more, I’ve even heard players reacting to in-game deaths with cries of , “Ow!” and “Ah!”. They’ve somehow managed to attempt a physical connection with the game itself. (Chances are, these people aren’t wearing the high tech FPS Gaming Vest). These people somehow want to play Team Fortress 2 vicariously. And furthermore, they want to indulge OTHER players with their ridiculous attempts at realizing Team Fortress 2. I’m aware of neither the desired effect of this nor the actual effect on the imbecile’s end, but I know the effect on the other players – and it sucks. (This is probably the actual effect: )

Real Time Reaction

If you’ve got a microphone and you like playing Team Fortress 2, Counter-Strike, Day of Defeat or any other game or chat client that includes Push To Talk, do your self esteem a favor, and do everyone else around you a favor and refrain from hitting the voice button every time you lack the maturity to withhold an embarrassing response to in-game events.

I’m going to make a generalization and assume most of you readers are at least somewhat familiar with the phrase “yellow journalism.” But likewise, I’m going to assume most of you haven’t coined the same term to blogs.

For those that are unfamiliar with yellow journalism, it goes something like this: Yellow journalism is journalism, or the act of journalists publishing “news”, that is motivated primarily by the desire for popularity. In other words, a yellow journalist newspaper might focus on Oprah Winfrey’s gluttony and how much weight she’s gained rather than North Korea’s threat to flatten the United States with nuclear weapons. The National Enquirer is a prime example of yellow journalism.

Our subject at hand today is not journalistic integrity or reliability of sources, but rather the motive and content of blogs. Such is the reason for my entitlement of this post and translation of the phrase to blogging respectively. Additionally, and appropriately, I’ve withheld the garnishment of photos from this post, I hope you’ll forgive me.

Often times I read blogs, local ones, such as ones that might be found by following the blogroll here and continuing to follow the blogrolls of those blogs, and I find that a considerable number of these blogs partake in what I see as yellow blogging. Such posts usually entail no discernible or valuable point, slapshot humor, supposedly amusing pictures, or other tepid subject matter. In other words: these blogs are retarded, the people that read them are usually retarded, and the people that write them are, undoubtedly, retarded.

Now lets be realistic, every blog is going to have a few short, witty posts from time to time – that’s just how blogs roll  (no pun intended). But some blogs consist either majorly or entirely of such posts. You can find examples in local blogs and not so local blogs.

With further realism, I will say there is a chance, a chance that if you read such a blog, you might not be entirely retarded. But here is yet another chance, use this chance to discern any yellow blogging from the websites you frequent, take a look at what you’re really reading. But more importantly, if you’re a blogger, then take a look at what you’re really writing. Blogs already have a disadvantage when it comes to the spectrum of respect (or spectrum of ’spect, as I like to call it), as most people don’t see blogs on the same level that they might see the New York Times or the Washington Post. As such, the blog writing and blog reading communities don’t need any further hindrance on the standards for content matter.

To conclude, I will say, admittedly, that everyone enjoys a share of sensationalism once in a while. People like reading Stephen King or Michael Chrichton or Dean Koonts or some other writer that writes simply to entertain. People like reading comic books and watching senseless Youtube. But if you’re a writer, in layman’s terms, don’t overdo it with the sensationalism.

Or maybe it’s now some erroneous, depraved group called, “Pills Here!” A few of you “Garrysmod Faggots” (as he puts it) might remember a guy named [WCA]Smoke, around in the Mine-Dog RP days. I’m not even going to bother asking if anyone ever wonders about him because I know nobody ever really cared about this guy and that probably hasn’t changed, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, Smoke joined the OB TF2 Server along with several of his (supposed) friends, all of them having a tag of, “PILLËN HIER!” Like the rest of the team-stacking yuppie clan buddies that join the server I paid them no mind until, I guess, their leader, Smoke (who also goes by “Dante”) decided to spark up conversation with one of our members.

PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: rudy
[OB]Rudybrah: =D
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Do you know GuitarFreak?
[OB]Rudybrah: yeah, why?
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Do you suck his cock?

Not the most modest question to ask, in my opinion, but straightforward nonetheless.

[OB]Rudybrah: all the time
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: I bet.

Not a bad answer. Honesty is always the best policy. (When there’s money involved).

[OB]Rudybrah: you one of those gary’s mod faggots?
[OB]Rudybrah: that RP?
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Rofl
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Yeah Garrysmod faggot.
[OB]Rudybrah: you sound like it
[OB]Rudybrah: remember when your “clan” came here, and we kicked all your asses?
[OB]Rudybrah: and you cried? and rage quit?
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3:No
[OB]Rudybrah: that was a fun day =]
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Don’t recall…I mean

In all fairness, objectiveness and respectfulness, Smoke had this coming. Rudy dished out what he took which was followed shortly thereafter, by Smoke growing even more short tempered, bitter and cavalier than he was before he joined the server.

PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Your community consists of…10 people that roleplay girls on the internet.
[OB]Rudybrah: sounds like a personal problem
[OB]Rudybrah: we don’t RP, sir.
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: OB is an RP community faggot.
[OB]Rudybrah: no it isn’t, rofl

Rudy says it how it is…again.

PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: GF tried to get me to run it with him.
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: I know TFTK or w/e and the other kid.

I’m not sure if he’s honestly mistaken or telling a horrid anecdote of some dream he once had. Either way, there exists no synonym nor any better word to describe Smoke, than: retarded.

NekoNaru: were tf2 now
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Congrats.
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: Moved away from GMOD faggotry.

Now lets hang on just a minute here. Smoke refers to Garry’s Mod as “faggotry” and the users therein as “faggots”. But wasn’t Smoke once a part of the overall Garry’s Mod community? Lets take a look at the main character he played during his several month long tenure at Mine-Dog:

If that title isn’t asking for it I don’t know what is. With that in mind, lets look back at what he said about that “GMOD faggotry”. I’m pretty sure Smoke is still the same faggot he was when he used to play Garry’s Mod. That’s not to say he might not have had some clarifying revelation that made him realize how stupid he once was, but lets look at it. Do you really think he’s changed at all?

And here’s the rest of their conversation for all us Garry’s Mod faggots to read:

[OB]Rudybrah: i don’t think you know him if you can’t get his name right?
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: I helped him create graphics/RP script and other shit before you even came here faggot.
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: I helped him with the site too.
PILLËN HIER! NSX: OOOOOH
PILLËN HIER! D4|\|T3: So fuck yourself.
[OB]Rudybrah: looks like you’re nerd raging, brah.

Be sure to thank Smoke for his masterful critiques of the GMod community here on his Steam Profile!