DISCLAIMER: The contents of this article might reside in your brain for the rest of your days. And the rest of your life might be increasingly shorter as you read this post, as what I have to tell you, though important, can never be unseen nor unheard. The magnitude of this information is extremely severe. You’ve been warned.

The genius working on the marketing for Team Fortress 2 (and that’s not sarcasm, this guy’s a genius) came up with a way to divide the TF2 community and spark an immense amount of support for the Demoman and the Soldier.

What I can’t help but notice, though, is the parallel being made to the disgusting Twilight Series. Maybe Valve didn’t intend to start such of a disgusting plague of bitter hatred, based around two sides, in the TF2 playerbase, but they’re succeeding in it. This is a plague like we’ve never seen before, a plague in which the Demoman is Robert Pattinson and the Soldier is Taylor Lautner (oh God). A plague in which thousands of thirteen-year-olds stick tags on their name saying “[Team JacobSoldier]” and soon enough, thousands of products will be marketed off of this. Take your pick.

Valve says “WAR” but I say “Wrrryyyyyyy??”

So I ask: Valve, what have you done?